Don’t Like Skyrim? Sign A Petition To Burn Every Single Copy

Let’s keep this one short and sweet.

A man from Tennesee has begun a petition to seize every single copy of Bethesda’s Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and have them destroyed and monitor every single teenager in America.

And by December 24th, he needs to get 25,000 signatures. If he hurries, he can probably get the other 24,856 done in a week or two.

Thankfully, it’s a fairly short petition. Here, enjoy in all its radical “darn teenagers” glory.

We Petition The Obama Administration To:

Immediately Ban the Deadly Videogame Known as “SkyRim” for The Safety of America’s Youths.

Whereas videogaming has proven to cause social, ethical and health problems in people of all ages,

Whereas sexual perversion and homosexuality are threatening to destroy the Christian foundations on which this nation was built,

Whereas a new video game has just been created that far exceeds any others in the psychological and spiritual damage it does to teens,

We, the American people, today ask you,

1) To enact an immediate ban on the videogame known as “SkyRim” produced by Blizzard Entertainment. [Note: Developer mistaken due to lack of petitioner knowledge or stupidity]

2) To seize and destroy all copies already in public hands and erase its presence on the internet.

3) To prosecute the players of “SkyRim” to the fullest extent of the law.

4) To create a national database of videogame avatars and “screen names” so that teenagers can be better monitored.